*The Pointless Writer*

has a life you're completely uninterested in. But it's okay because I can write. No abbreviations. No shoddy grammar (though I'm not immune to mistakes). Just quality writing on sometimes completely pointless topics.

Inspiration/ Hilarity

`cirque. (by Nick)
The Joel Stein
Hyperbole and a Half (by Allie Brosh)

Pointless Yakking

No chatbox.

UnPoints of Note

1. I write when fancy takes. Sometimes, fancy takes many months of leave.
2. Never give up on this blog. I will eventually come back. When fancy has returned from its unfaithful travels.
3. All posts labelled Randomosity were written while I was on my junior college's blog team.
4. Everything is written as a challenge to myself. And it's all in good fun. Cheerio!

How to Survive the Hell Driver
Monday, September 19, 2011

Marvel brand of Wunderwear.

(Note: my Junior College blog is called Maniac.)

If you’re rich, don’t read this post, cos you won’t be able to identify with what I’m about to write.

Nah. Just kidding. I’m sure you’ve taken the bus at some point of time in your money-filled life. Heck. Maybe you used to be poor. Anyway, cutting my mindless discrimination short, I’m here to regale you with my tales on… THE HELL DRIVER.

You know the type. He drives like a maniac but doesn’t write for us. Spins the steering wheel like he’s about to win a million dollars. Hollers in a rabid imitation of Tarzan on an adrenalin high. Could win an Oscar for his (or her) award-winning act as a sane, polite, service provider, when he (or she) is in fact imagining driving the rest of us into our graves. Yes, that kind. There’s really no need for Universal Studios when we have Bus From Hell. Every second on the death trap is a day less of life. If the ride doesn’t kill you, your easily spooked heart will.

You may wonder why I’m writing this. Besides writing this to contribute to the growing heap of useless writing on the web, I’m also trying to save your life. Or, at any rate, maximize it. I hope that by sharing my own survival tips, you won’t find yourself on the next bus to the hospital. So here goes:

1. Spideyfy yourself.

Anyone who knows anything about Marvel comics superheroes knows Spiderman. He’s red and blue, like a bloody bruise, and shoots web from his wrists. I’ve always thought it should come from his fingers, but I digress. The point is not to attach string ejectors to your wrist, although that would be mighty cool. It’s to learn from your friendly neighbourhood humano arachnid’s superhero reflexes. Now, I may not be ready to save any dudes in distress yet, but I did manage to save my BFFAL (Best Friend For the ‘A’ Levels) from certain destruction. Don’t know who my BFFAL is? Here’s a hint: he’s a little on the square side, slightly heavier than desirable, and a very sexy shade of black. Did I mention he’s Texan? That’s right, peeps, I saved my Texas Instrument Graphing Calculator from flying to the floor and smashing into pieces when the Hell Driver wildly rounded a usually tame bend in the road. (Shout-out to my Math lecturer!)

2. Borrow Wonderwoman’s Wunderwear.

I’ve always hated Wonderwoman’s outfit. It’s garish, tacky, and way too revealing. But I think there’s a lesson to learn here. Any woman who dares to walk around without her pants on has got to have amazingly shapely legs. And you don’t get amazingly shapely legs without muscle. Basically, muscular legs are astonishingly important when it comes to staying in your seat on a Hell Bus. Here’s an example: when the Hell Driver was rounding that same bend, I too was thrown about like a Graphing Calculator. In order to prevent myself from meeting an early demise, I was forced to flex my hamstrings while bracing myself against the bus floor. Who knew PE lessons would come in useful?

My list of tips is a little on the short side, but don’t discount its helpfulness just yet. Emphasising that train of thought, don’t underestimate these fledgling superheroes:


Chanson des Étoiles at 3:41 PM