*The Pointless Writer*

has a life you're completely uninterested in. But it's okay because I can write. No abbreviations. No shoddy grammar (though I'm not immune to mistakes). Just quality writing on sometimes completely pointless topics.

Inspiration/ Hilarity

`cirque. (by Nick)
The Joel Stein
Hyperbole and a Half (by Allie Brosh)

Pointless Yakking

No chatbox.

UnPoints of Note

1. I write when fancy takes. Sometimes, fancy takes many months of leave.
2. Never give up on this blog. I will eventually come back. When fancy has returned from its unfaithful travels.
3. All posts labelled Randomosity were written while I was on my junior college's blog team.
4. Everything is written as a challenge to myself. And it's all in good fun. Cheerio!

The Grumpy Orange
Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I wasn’t always a mandarin orange, you know. I used to be beautiful, desirable. Now I’m an unsightly lump. What did I do in my past life to deserve this?

I remember when my skin was soft and supple, velvety, even. Now it’s hard and thick and pockmarked. I suppose I can’t complain much about my smell; at least, people seem to appreciate it. Although, I personally prefer my old light floral scent to this sour citrus smell.

But enough on the past. It’s over. Gone. Ka-put. A wise bee once told me, “Never regret stinging someone after you do so. It’s too late.” So, I shan’t regret welcoming that bee in with my nectar and accepting the darned magic pollen that turned me into this.

Actually, I take that back. I regret it, completely and wholeheartedly. Life used to be peaceful when I was a flower. I hung from my mother’s branches and enjoyed the breeze. People strolled past me tranquilly and enjoyed my sweet scent. Since I turned into an orange, it’s been traumatic experience after traumatic experience. Don’t be fooled if someone tells you beauty comes after metamorphosis and shows you a butterfly. That’s the butterfly. Not me. Not this roly-poly body o’ mine.

The first traumatic experience came in being plucked off my mother. The indecency of such an act! Did no one teach that human any decorum? Doesn’t he know that we oranges fall from the branch when we are ready and ripe? As it is, I was plucked roughly and cruelly from my mother’s gentle arms long before I was ready! I wasn’t soft and sweet yet; my insides were still uncomfortably hard. That’s not all. I was then squashed into a tiny space, and a very cold one at that! Words cannot describe the panic I felt. Imagine not being able to ripen! Being unripe is no joke. It’s quite a pain.

Time was impossible to measure without the periodic caresses of a passing breeze, and I felt as if death had come early without me being eaten. Eventually, we were jostled around again. But then, I continued to be squished between countless other oranges. To my tremendous relief, the temperature was higher, high enough for me to ripen a little. And though the circumstances seemed dire, I held on to the hope that someone would eat away the cumbersome orange flesh and scatter my seed so I could grow into a tree, finally!

Again, there were no breezes, but this time, there were hands, and I used those to count the time. I was held snugly by various hands, and then, finally, taken away from the horrid box where I’d been for the past 102 hands. By now, I was fairly ripe, and I trembled excitedly at the prospect of being planted.

Alas, my desires were thwarted yet again. I was passed from hand to hand while I got overripe. I don’t speak much Human, but I think it was some sort of tradition to torture select oranges by passing us from children to parents.

The long and short of it is: I was thrown away. Thrown away! My orange flesh was eaten, but my seeds haven’t been scattered, haven’t been planted in soft fertile soil. I screamed at them to at least throw me on soil so I can burrow my way in and grow, but they ignored my cries. I will never feel the wind rustle through my leaves, the way my mother has so gloriously described!

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Chanson des Étoiles at 7:24 PM